He Played With a Loaded Revolver Throughout the Meeting￼
Dits and Pics
We’re collecting dits and photos from those that have served in the armed forces to create an online exhibition to share stories and memories.Dits and Pics is funded by the Armed Forces Covenant Trust Fund
“There was a General there, an American General and he was an awful man, very small, Napoleon Syndrome…and he wanted to show everyone how masculine he was and he’s a one star General, he doesn’t need to prove anything. But you know how grrrr, strong and masculine…and we’d been invited to attend the Christmas party planning meeting, me and my mate Pete. It turns out, we’re the only non-Americans there. We’re the only non-officers there…and they were making a right horlicks of the planning. So, Pete and I worked as a tag team, I’d say, “Well, I think we should do this.” And Pete would go, “Seconded.” And then Pete would say, “Well, I think we can have a beer issue on the day” and I’d go, “Seconded.” Like this, thinking, ‘What’s going on?’ But that’s not the exciting bit. The exciting bit, was that General *** played with a loaded revolver throughout the meeting. He loaded it, he unloaded it. He spun it round his finger, he put it in his holster, he took it out of his holster, holster, holster, gun, gun, gun. Barking.
When we came to leave, Pete and I had packed all our stuff up because we are highly intelligent, Petty Officers. So obviously, we’d booked return flights. So, when we came to leave, we’re at the airport and the officers have all gone ahead of us, there’s General ***, there’s all these top flight Senior Officers. And there’s Pete and me and the American General’s Admin Sergeant… and our General looks at us and says, “Why are you two in Civvies?” “Well, we’re on a Civvy flight.” He said, “Why?” And I said, “Well, we got a Civvy flight here.” He went, “What?!” I thought, ‘You told us to get here, so we got here.’ And he said, “I am not sitting on a Hercules to fly back to Italy if you two are flying on a Civvy plane. You are getting on this plane with us. Well. You had two sullen, very sullen, very unhappy POs.
But it was only brightened up by General *** because he’d been doing pull-ups on a doorframe in the airport… and he’d been jogging on the spot. When we get out to the airfield, this Hercules and it was a… I’m going to say this wrong, nacht waffen, waffen nacht? It was a German night flight, flying Hercules, C130s…. and so it turns up, and propellers are burning and turning, going ‘woo-woo-woo-woo’, and we’re all waiting for them to, you know, put the bridge in so we can get on and all the rest of it and lower the back or whatever. And General *** starts jogging on the spot. And General *** starts jogging backwards. And General *** is now jogging towards the propellers.”
“Backwards? On the runway? Does he get a bit shorter?”
“And…everyone was watching him. Nobody said a thing. Am I’m watching him thinking, ‘Oh, this is gonna be interesting.’ And you know how you have an out of body experience and think, ‘What are you doing?’…and we were all just watching him out of curiosity. We were that knackered, no one could be bothered and he was an obnoxious little tinker and no one could be bothered to say anything. We were just watching him out of knackered curiosity until his Admin Clerk goes, “Stop General!””
“What happened to him?”
“Oh, he was perfectly all right, the little…bugger. Yes, he flew back with us and…he was so, so stupid and desperate to be macho. Honestly, honestly it wouldn’t surprise me if he didn’t have his own special sock to put down the front of his trousers, an awful man, awful man.”